When you smoke the quantity and quality of weed I do, you find yourself quite frequently in front of the tv with absolutely no idea how you got there. Sometimes, as you’re coming down, you may even start to pay attention to what’s on the screen. Last week it happened to me and this is what I saw:
Disney : An 11 year old girl in a mini skirt riding a mechanical bull
E!: Hehe…Gay people are funny….
Bravo: Wait…no their not…
Sci fi: If someone dies…is that a good, or a bad reality show? When’s Battlestar on again?
TV land: Did he just say nigger? Archie!
Comedy Central: Something depressing.
Discovery: Whatever happened to animals fucking!?
TLC: Wait a minute! That family already had nice things!!!
Nickelodian: Skateboard + Electric Guitar + Honeycomb = …I’m still trying to figure this out.
A&E: “Hitler 3D: The untold story IN YOUR FACE!”. Who knew a World War could be so exciting!
MSNBC – It was just Keith Olbermann Jerking himself off
CNN – Oh, you know. Anderson Cooper. Jerking himself off.
FOX - Colmes….Jerkin’ off Hannity…poor Colmes
MTV – If they’re all reading from a teleprompter…is that a good, or a bad reality show? When’s…wait, everything on this channel sucks.
Family – Crazy! Sabrina the Teenage Witch is still working!
USA: A procedural that somehow makes me feel less like killing my husband.
Cartoon network – Was that cartoon speakin’ Mexican! Fuckin’ Obama!
PBS: I think Bill Nye gave those kids some drugs.
FOX – Score! Simpsons rerun!
ABC – What if all in the family had no message? And Edith was attractive in a WEIRD way!
NBC – Oh, wow! That crappy commercial with the band singing about how much more important
Lifetime – That chick from that one 80’s movie, demonstrating why she hasn’t worked in 20 years.
CW - African Americans
WB – Caucasian Americans
CBS - "How I met Your Mother" cancells out whatever crap I'm watching now. Oh, chicks from that show. I love yall!
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1 comments:
this will someday be excavated as the most incisive and accurate anecdotal analysis of american television programming in the aughts. unfortunately for you, that day was yesterday, and it was me, and i already forgot. what was i talking about? forget it, i'm going to tbs for thoughtless sitcom slumber. i have to use the "sleep" command strategically to cut the tv off before one of those 8 episode per week tyler perry productions comes on, as they give me indignant, angry dreams. i've already broken a few tv sets in sleep rage, plus if you wake up to it you come very quickly to hate the world and curse the futility of whatever you were planning on doing.
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